RECENT UPDATES, by Xeta
We are sad to say that poor Susan the yak has died today from an attack brought on by Mutant Death Corn! What's that? You don't know what Mutant Death Corn is! Well, I'll have to tell you. It all started when me and MooMoo were MST3King the new X-Files movie and saw a vision of our future enemies: not commies, not aliens, but Mutant Death Corn! Mutant Death Corn were created by the Government to attack and destroy anything that make's the movie less interesting! They've even genetically enchanced them to spy like Corn-Rats, or spread viruses like Corn-Bees, or destroy your mind like Corn-Micheal Jacksons! You have to be aware! That little ambulance being chased by the plane in the background is nothing compared to Mutant Death Corn! Susan has fallen, and so has all those Minor X-Files characters, who will be next?!!?! One can only ponder...|
Also, I like cheese.
And finally I'd like to assure you that the butterfat shortages that I read about in this mornings paper saying that pastry prices will rise should NOT be made a reality, so go do something about it or I'll get really miffed!
(And now, anything MooMoo wants to type if he reads this message:) MOOMOO-CHAN'S DEATH CORN BULLETIN: We have discovered that the death corn, if they choose, can infect you with a deadly virus, that causes a stalk of death corn to grow within your body, 'til it grows right out through yer forehead, killing anybody who would happen to be right in front of you! According to the X-Files movie, though, it's okay if the vile mutant flying bee corn get you, because it can be cured with a vaccine! (Yes, the vaccine is administered after you have the disease. That must be an astounding vaccine!) Be forewarned, the mutant, attack, flying, barking, buzzing death corn is lurking around every corner! And have you noticed that the one ingredient found in every food is 'high fructose corn syrup'! Perhaps a better name would be 'high fructose DEATH syrup!'. Oh, well, live in fear, and all that jazz. See ya.
MooMoo-Chan has jest recived an email from the goverments Corn-Master. Here it is out of direct copy-and-pastage:
(comments) You have figured out our ingenious plot! But you haven't heard the last of us! Soon, our mutant corn will eat your beloved hair! AND, we'll get Toho to accept the NEW Godzilla as the standard real Godzilla, bwahahaha! We know all about you....bwahahaha! Be prepared!
Here is MooMoo's reply to that snyde comment:
So, this is all yer fault, you crazy, mixed-up, government,
pseudo-communist, neo-capitalist english pig-dogs! (scratch that last one...) The flying, barking bat corn was all your idea! Toho would NEVER accept that bastard child of an iguana and one of those nasty things from the Alien movies as the real Godzilla! His chin's too big, and he don't breathe radioactive flame! I bet yer also behind the heinous british/american conspiracy to poison our nations minds with the nonsensical babble of the teletubbies. Because of you, we are now on the front of an alien takeover involving those evil, lumpy, nasty things with obscene head-growths! They took Britain, but they won't take us! You bastard! Because of you we'll never see the likes of Mr. Bean (Rowan Atkinson), Monty Python, Douglas Adams, Terry Pratchett, and a slew of other neat Brits! Whil I'm at it, I'll also blame on you the fact that I can't play 'Sam & Max Hit the Road' (the world's best PC game) on my Win 95 PC! The 80's were ALL YOUR FAULT, TOO (except for Voltron, HE was kewl)! Same thing with the fact that all hot dogs come in packs of 8, while buns come in packs of 10! Thanks to you government conspirators, I HAVE TO BUY 80 FRIKKIN' HOT DOGS AND BUNS JEST SO THAT I CAN EAT ALL MY HOT DOGS AND NOT WASTE ANY BREAD PRODUCTS! NOW, I'M SO FULL OF PORK GUTS AND FLY LIPS (hotdog main ingredients) THAT I
CAN'T FIT ANY MORE SURGE IN MY SYSTEM! MY BODY IS UNDERGOING A YELLOW 5 (one of Surge's main colorings) DEFICIENCY! EVERYTHING'S GOIN' BLACK....hello? Is anyone there? I can't see a bleeding thing...my system is shutting down from the sheer lack of yellow 5...gasp...choke... ---[:::]
MooMoo:Well, I'm back. I've decided to be prepared for any legal action the government may wanna take agianst me for this blatant exposing of their evil plans. Somebody, call me a lawyer!
Xeta: Okay, you're a lawyer.
MooMoo: Thank yew!
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